Gleaned from issues of The People's Weekly, circa 1945
Public opinion: what people think other people are thinking.
One day shortly after the last Alberta provincial election, a prominent businessman was talking to a taxi driver who happened to mention that he and his family had voted CCF.
"But," said the businessman, "I thought you were Social Credit."
"I am," the taxi driver answered slowly, "but I think a man should do the right thing once in a while even if it goes against his principles."
The Conservative canvasser was talking to a farmer just before the election - about the only time the canvasser would do that.
"How's your six boys?," he asked.
"Oh," replied the farmer slowly, "they are all good Conservatives except Robbie - he has taken to reading."
A city boy who had been in the country was telling another boy about the big pig he had seen. "It was in a pen and it was scared of the little pigs. They chased it around and around, and finally when it lay down in exhaustion, the little pigs ate the buttons off his vest."
A political speaker was much annoyed by a man in the audience who coughed and sneezed and blew his nose almost constantly.
Finally exasperated, he asked him to go outside, saying a visit to the open air might be good for his cold.
But replied the man "I don't have a cold. I have an allergy to apple sauce." (Apple sauce being a stand-in for another kind of squeezy liquid.)
A high school student was seated next to a famous astronomer.
She asked him, "what do you do in life?"
He replied "I study astronomy."
"Dear me," she said. "I finished astronomy last year."
Speed fiend - It's great speeding along like this. Don't you feel glad you are alive?
Passenger - Glad isn't the word. I am amazed."
Little Mary was heartbroken when her pet canary died. To pacify her, Father gave her an empty cigar case, and with much ceremony they conducted a burial in the backyard.
"Father, do you think the my canary will go to heaven?"
"I expect so. Why?"
"I was only thinking how cross St. Peter will be when he opens the box and finds that it isn't cigars after all."
The lawyer shook his head and said "there are hundreds of ways of making money but only one that is honest."
The banker looked puzzled.
"What is that?"
The lawyer smiled and said "I thought you wouldn't know."
A distinguished writer visited George Bernard Shaw in his magnificent home and mentioned surprise that he had no vases of flowers in the house.
"I thought you were exceedingly fond of flowers," she stated.
"I am," GBS replied, "I also like children but I don't cut off their heads and stand them up in pots about the house."
A private on guard was given strict instructions not to allow any car to pass that did not have a special tag.
Later a car holding a high-ranking officer drove up.
As it did not have the tag, the guard refused to allow it through.
The officer told his driver to proceed anyway.
The private appealed to him, saying "I'm sorry. I'm new at this. Who do I shoot - you or the driver?"
"Oh Donald I love you so."
"So what?"
Captain - Why didn't you salute me yesterday?
Private - I didn't see you, sir.
Captain - Oh, good. I was afraid you were mad at me.
A husband said to his wife - I read here that "Woman without her man is a savage."
The good wife looked over his shoulder and said "read it again."
Slower this time, he read "Woman! Without her, man is a savage."
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